I don't even know where to begin this post so it's best to just cut to the chase...no pictures, no fluff.
For the past few weeks I've been feeling SO. MUCH. PRESSURE.
- I can't sleep at night.
- I'm constantly tired.
- I have dreams that I eat donuts and cake and gain 100 pounds. (Just the other night I dreamt I went to the doctor and the nurse told me I was 197 lbs and I argued with her that it couldn't possibly be accurate, but she kept saying, "The scaled doesn't lie".)
- I start to feel anxious if plans change and I don't have my pre-packed meals with me.
- I don't fully enjoy a meal on date night, because I don't know the exact calorie count and how it will effect my progress.
I. DO. NOT. LIKE. THIS.
This isn't "me".
This isn't "me".
I have 33 days until the November 20th show. I have 33 days to lose 10-15 lbs. I have 33 days to get some abs. Yes, you heard me. I'm less than 5 weeks out and do not see my abs. I feel them. They're under there. They must be hibernating.
I'm going to continue kicking butt for the next 33 days. I'm going to continue pushing harder in the gym. I'm going to continue practicing posing and
BUT....
I will not get up there if I'm not ready.
I will not get up there if I'm not ready.
The November 20th show is the last one within driving distance until Spring 2011. I really, really, really don't want to wait that long to compete, so I'm hopin' my little body will release the remaining flub from my lower body so I can at least get this one competition under my belt by year's end. Trust me, I was still up this morning for 40 minutes of cardio and will be everyday...
I just needed to get this off my chest. If I'm ready next month, I'll do the competition. If I'm not, I'll wait until Spring. I just have to do what is best for ME, regardless if I lose readers who might be disappointed that I may have to postpone my first show until the Spring. There is only so much I can make my body do, especially this first time around, ya know?
But, here's the GOOD NEWS that I am SOOOOOOOO EXCITED TO SHARE with you!!!
Yesterday, I went to another Cathy Savage workout, led by Savage Coach, Andi Martin.
You may remember me talking about my first encounter with Cathy Savage here. I'm so excited I got hooked up with her, because I love the Sunday workout sessions and meeting other girls who compete.
Yesterday, before our workout began, we got to see a Fitness girl practice her routine for her upcoming show. I'd seen her routine before two weeks prior and thought she did outstanding. Yesterday, as I sat on the cold, hardwood aerobics floor, I got goosebumps watching her perform and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought to myself, "Talia, you are sooo in the wrong damn category!!!!"
I talked to Andi after the class was over and expressed to her that I have WAY more of a desire to do Fitness than Bikini. It's just so much more..."Me". I danced all the way up until middle school and then cheered all 4 years in high school and can honestly say that I miss performing sooooo much. I love being on stage and dancing and have missed performing in my life for many years. I think the Fitness competitions are more my "niche" than anything...
The good thing about Fitness competitions is that half your score is also your physique, so I'll still be striving for that lean, toned body. If anything, it just means I get to get on stage in heels, tan and a bikini PLUS perform a routine. Double the pleasure, double the fun!!!
So, that's that!
I really feel that the Fitness category is more where I belong. Hubby agrees and supports me 100%--He's INCREDIBLE like that:) Fitness is a lot tougher and will takes months of perfecting strength moves in a routine, but the good news is that I have time to do it, since the next shows don't start until April. In the meantime, I've now got 7 months-not 5 weeks-to focus on losing the remaining 10-15 lbs of bodyfat and can train for something I'm more PASSIONATE about.
SO, in a nutshell, YES, I'm still striving to get on stage in November. (My altered-bikini should arrive tomorrow, actually!) Let's see what this body can do in the next month. After that, though, I'm going to be ALL about Fitness. And, since I'll still be killin' it in the gym to have an even MORE rockin' body, I think I'll do a few Bikini shows in the Spring as well, just to stay relevant HA!
I think it's safe to say that I'll definitely still be putting my 5" inch heels to use either way!
Love,
Talia:)
I just needed to get this off my chest. If I'm ready next month, I'll do the competition. If I'm not, I'll wait until Spring. I just have to do what is best for ME, regardless if I lose readers who might be disappointed that I may have to postpone my first show until the Spring. There is only so much I can make my body do, especially this first time around, ya know?
But, here's the GOOD NEWS that I am SOOOOOOOO EXCITED TO SHARE with you!!!
Yesterday, I went to another Cathy Savage workout, led by Savage Coach, Andi Martin.
You may remember me talking about my first encounter with Cathy Savage here. I'm so excited I got hooked up with her, because I love the Sunday workout sessions and meeting other girls who compete.
Yesterday, before our workout began, we got to see a Fitness girl practice her routine for her upcoming show. I'd seen her routine before two weeks prior and thought she did outstanding. Yesterday, as I sat on the cold, hardwood aerobics floor, I got goosebumps watching her perform and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought to myself, "Talia, you are sooo in the wrong damn category!!!!"
I talked to Andi after the class was over and expressed to her that I have WAY more of a desire to do Fitness than Bikini. It's just so much more..."Me". I danced all the way up until middle school and then cheered all 4 years in high school and can honestly say that I miss performing sooooo much. I love being on stage and dancing and have missed performing in my life for many years. I think the Fitness competitions are more my "niche" than anything...
The good thing about Fitness competitions is that half your score is also your physique, so I'll still be striving for that lean, toned body. If anything, it just means I get to get on stage in heels, tan and a bikini PLUS perform a routine. Double the pleasure, double the fun!!!
So, that's that!
I really feel that the Fitness category is more where I belong. Hubby agrees and supports me 100%--He's INCREDIBLE like that:) Fitness is a lot tougher and will takes months of perfecting strength moves in a routine, but the good news is that I have time to do it, since the next shows don't start until April. In the meantime, I've now got 7 months-not 5 weeks-to focus on losing the remaining 10-15 lbs of bodyfat and can train for something I'm more PASSIONATE about.
SO, in a nutshell, YES, I'm still striving to get on stage in November. (My altered-bikini should arrive tomorrow, actually!) Let's see what this body can do in the next month. After that, though, I'm going to be ALL about Fitness. And, since I'll still be killin' it in the gym to have an even MORE rockin' body, I think I'll do a few Bikini shows in the Spring as well, just to stay relevant HA!
I think it's safe to say that I'll definitely still be putting my 5" inch heels to use either way!
Love,
Talia:)
Personally, I think you should get up on that stage anyways...even if you arent perfect or feel where you need to be! YOU HAVE WORKED HARD TO GET WHERE YOU ARE NOW--SHOW IT OFF AND BE PROUD!!
ReplyDeleteMy opinion anyways.
And when the show is over, get back to normal eating. It's a very scary place to be in when your thoughts become disordered like that. You need to get out of that mindset as soon as possible before it becomes harder to break.
Bet that Cathy Savage workout was fun! I have used her online training in the past and always enjoyed the workouts.
5 inch heels - oh my gosh, I would topple over after one step in those. Impressive Talia, and yes, I agree, the fitness competition sounds right up your ally, and I think training for something you're so passionate about will be much more fun.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck getting ready for November 20. From what I've gathered you've worked so hard for this competition and just stay positive. You can do this!
I am a new reader to your blog.
ReplyDeleteIt is one of my favourites.
You look beautiful in all your pics. Good luck with your comp prep.
You are very inspiring.
I think you will look AMAZING on stage!!!!!
i am SO happy that you came to this realization!! so many people go into these shows and think its just one way or the highway when really, they dont know whats out there, the categories etc. this is why I love the savage team. I didn't know JACK abotu anything when I started and within 1 week, I learned abotu all of the different federations, categories and what would be best for ME! I am so glad you are choosing to do this!! on another note...what show in April?? if its Fitness America at Mohegan sun I will SO SO SO see you there!!
ReplyDeleteI just got my heels in the mail and wowza, I need to practice LOL
Just stumbled to your blog. I'm so glad you are being true to yourself and doing what makes you happy!
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled on your site thanks to Tina! I will say, you have me in awe. I think no matter what we are preparing for you're going to have that thing in the back of your head that tries to talk you out of something. You stay focused, do what you've been training for. SO inspirational!
ReplyDeleteHey you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSooooo... want my advice? Welll too bad your gonna get it anyways! :) Okay first off, the dreams... are NORMAL.. not fun but totally normal. I start having them about 6 weeks out of EVERY show and they last until show day! I still have them randomly. Either it is me eating like a maniac OR I have forgotten to register, forgotten my shoes, my protan, my makeup...etc! NIGHTMARES! I also develop severe insomnia! EVERY TIME! NORMAL!
My advice, you have worked so dang hard and honestly that first show is just a practice run. Something will probably go wrong, it won't be perfect, or run smoothly and that is okay! It is just to get a feel for that stage, and the best part of it is you can get feedback from the judges and from there KILL IT your next show and your next and your next! You will know exactly what the judges want you to work on, etc! You should see my pics from my first show. You have worked way too hard to wait for spring and the abs.... those dang abs like to surprise you. Mine usually don't pop out until the week of a show!
You have this girl. Just kill it, rock that stage, be confident, show your amazing personality and you will shine! :)
Thats all I have to say about that ;)
Andi was my posing coach when she lived in Indiana! I miss her :)
ReplyDeleteI admire fitness girls. Anyone can stand on stage. NO WAY could I do the fitness part.