Express Yourself

Hi there...back again! Hubby is at the Pens game tonight, livin' it up in the company box with his co-workers, so I thought I'd post again. Posting has become a therapeutic way to balance my thoughts...especially this week:)

OK, so I posted this already on my Facebook earlier today, mainly because I still don't flippin' believe it. For the past month or so I've been noticing that my two pairs of jeans (yes, I only had TWO pairs of jeans because I didn't know how much weight I was going to lose and therefore tried to wear the same few pairs as long as I could) were getting baggier and baggier. All my life a Size 6 jeans were what I considered my "skinny jeans". I would diet and finally get to wear them for a month or two, before putting the weight back on. If you read my 'About Me' page, you'll find that during my first year of marriage, I packed on a lot of pounds. I remember when my Size 8 Express jeans no longer fit and I ended up having to go buy a Size 10. Rather than change my bad dieting habits, I took the lazy route and cashed in on a bigger size. My, how times have changed!

This summer I remember doing a happy dance when I finally squeezed back into my "skinny jeans". Same as always, that lasted all of a few weeks before those didn't fit. However, this time they didn't fit because they were beginning to sag and sag and sag. I remember having to buy new jeans and rejoicing when I bought two pairs of Size 4 jeans back in August. Those are the same two pairs of jeans I've been wearing to this day. However, I've lost 15 lbs since then, so you can imagine how saggy those jeans have been on me the past few months.

This past weekend Hubby made fun of me because my jeans were too big and I told him I definitely need to get new jeans that fit, but that I had wanted to wait in case I lose more bodyfat. I am not planning on losing much more weight. I'd say 7lbs at the MOST and that is only because I really want defined abs. I'm all about being and staying healthy and don't ever want to get to a place where I lose my period or suffer other side effects from too low bodyfat. It's just not worth it to me, no matter what the prize. But, it would be awesome to have a more defined stomach. (Sorry, I totally went off on a tangent...back to what I was saying.) I've been hanging on to my Size 4s for as long as I could, but today I bit the bullet and decided to shop for new jeans.

The first place I went was to New York and Company because they have jeans that come in "Short". This 5'1 1/2" midget can only wear "short" jeans and even those, without shoes, cover most of my feet HA! Anyway, I saw they had only one Size 2 in Short so I grabbed it and tried it on. They did not fit me. They were too big. I couldn't believe it! I kept checking the label inside and out because I thought they must have labeled it wrong (I used to work there in college and sometimes employees "sticker" them incorrectly...not that I ever did HA!) Anyway, they were too big so I went back and there was one Size 0 sitting there. I looked at it like it might bite me, but thought I may as well try it on because I flippin' need jeans that fit.

They fit...comfortably.

I kinda stood there in the dressing room looking at myself like I didn't know what to do. I just never thought in a million years I would be lean enough to wear a size so small. It's my hips. They have shrunk so much. However, I ended up not buying the jeans because the pockets were too low and it made my sorry-excuse-for-a-"butt" look super flat. Sigh.

I then decided to head over to Express. I was nervous going in there because the last pair of jeans I bought from Express were the Size 8s I was talking about earlier. I thought, "Surely, Express jeans run smaller, so I'll probably have to go up a size." It was like I was giving myself a "pep talk". ***Gosh, I can't STAND vanity sizing and how a stupid, freaking label can make a gal feel "less than". It really is disgusting and I guess I'm still not "there" with my self/body-image....but, I'm workin' on it:)***

Anyway, long story short, Express was having a sale. Buy one, Get one 50% off. I also had coupons with me so I was hoping I'd find jeans that looked and felt good.

Ladies, I was in there for like an hour trying on every single pair of jeans. I started with Size 2s and those felt a bit loose. Then I tried on Size 0s and they felt really comfortable and I swear I kept checking the labels and even grabbing another exact pair because I was sure there were 'defects'. How is it possible that I can wear a Size 0? What the whaaaat?

I ended up buying 4 pairs today. My rationale was that I don't think I'll ever be a size smaller and don't care to be. What am I, twelve? I may as well buy several pairs because then I'll be set and don't need to worry that they'll get too baggy on me. They fit so comfortably and were not tight at all (except the one pair of ultra-low rise skinny jeans I bought. They were a tad snug in the quad/calf region, but that's because my muscles are BIG! I mainly bought those pair because I can tuck them in my winter boots. Otherwise, I'm not a fan of skinny jeans. (BTW, does anyone else hate how we label things as "skinny". I don't like the message it sends, to be honest.)

One last thing.

I really debated whether or not to write this post or not. On the one hand, I'm seriously in awe how much I've transformed my body and still can't believe how much body fat I've lost. On the other hand, I do not want people comparing each other based on a STUPID SIZE. We all have unique, individual bodies with different body frames and measurements. While I am now wearing a smaller size, I also don't have "curves" anymore-- something I've had my entire life. Remember my very first post how I disclosed that I've always wanted a breast reduction because I was so curvy? Well, turns out, now I need a freaking' lift HAHA! And, don't even get me started on my missing butt! I may wear a Size 0 jean now, but I know a lot of girls who may wear a bigger size, but fill it out--in a great way! I, on the other hand, am going to have to work my tail off (LITERALLY!) just to fill these puppies out. Sigh. You just can't win, can you? HAHA! ;)

So, my point is, don't let a freaking size or label determine how big or small you feel. I've spent my entire life comparing myself to my teeny-tiny friends. I know how that goes. But, throughout the past 6 months, I've learned to truly LOVE my body. Not for a size or how it looks, but how strong I am and all that my legs, arms, shoulders, core, heart, hands, feet, etc. do for me on a daily basis. I cherish my body and thank God that I am healthy and able to do all I do. I can run, jump, swim, dance, kick, bike, climb etc. and I appreciate all my body can do. I hope that you all do the same, regardless of where you are in your health journey. Whether you are a seasoned veteran athlete or someone that is just embarking on a healthy lifestyle change. LOVE your body. TAKE CARE OF your body. CHERISH your body. The past week with my knee pain and having to ice my leg and rest more really has me appreciating my body and I don't want to take it for granted.

The end.