The In-Between

Happy Monday, ya'll!

Can I just say that it's so good to be alive?! It's been such a great morning and I'm just truly thankful for so many blessings and feel such joy and happiness as I begin my last week of contest prep. Can you believe the competition is only 5 days away! Oh....my....gosh!!!!

This past weekend was kind of a "mini retreat" for me. My Sweet One went to Columbus, OH for the weekend to visit family and go to the Ohio State/Penn State game. I could have gone with him, but decided to stay back because it is the weekend before my competition and I really wanted to stay focused and get all my workouts in and not worry about meal planning, etc. I know that may sound completely ridiculous to some of you, but I was also looking forward to having a weekend all to myself to collect my thoughts and spend some time with God to prepare mentally for the challenging week ahead. I love love LOVE my in-lawsloves, but we'll be heading to Columbus for Thanksgiving a week later so I'll get to spend time with them then:)

Anyway, from my last post you've probably gathered that "Auntie" was in town all weekend. There went my nice, relaxing weekend down the toilet like a dead bug. I swear, I was an emotional wreck half the time! Instead of a nice, relaxing, calm weekend, I missed my hubby like c-r-a-z-y and wished I was not home alone with my thoughts of self-doubt, inadequacy, fear, etc. I blame Auntie for a good portion of this. I was also bloated and the scale was up 2lbs (duh, because I was bloated!) and that only added to my anxiety. I kept thinking, "There is NO way I'm ready for this!" As the weekend went on, I realized maybe what I needed most was to be distracted, not focused solely on the competition.

I can't tell you how happy I was when hubby arrived home yesterday!!! I ran out to the car as if I was in some cheesy Hallmark holiday movie and nearly toppled the poor man in excitement! He was only gone for 2 days, but I missed him like crazy! My husband is my very best friend and while it's nice to have a "girls night" every once in a while, there is nobody on earth I'd rather be with than my husband. He is my rock and always knows what to say to make me feel better:) I told him all the fears and doubts going through my head and he just listened and gave me awesome advice. Sure enough, we ended the night laughing without a care in the world. He has that affect on me:)

I think a lot of my fear is the "unknown". I read so many articles on bikini competitions and never can get a clear picture of just what exactly the judges are looking for. Some say they want more of a "softer physique" (more about presentation, hair, makeup, etc) and some say it's more about a "tighter physique" with defined muscle tone and symmetry. Some winners look more like a Sports Illustrated model and some winners look more like an Oxygen magazine fitness model. I'd look at some pictures of winners and think, "Rut ro, I've got wayyyy more muscle than these girls" and then I'd look at another picture of a different winner and think, "Oh, she's a lot leaner/smaller than I am." I started to question if I was going to "fit in" with the mold. Yet, I don't actually know what "the mold" is.

I'm definitely muscular and athletic-looking...

I heart striations:)

Yet, still look so small.

BTW, this picture (directly above) makes me look way smaller than I am. I was a little shocked when I first saw this pic, so I think it's a bit distorted or something. I look like a Smurfette in that pic HA! It's also the first picture I've taken where I realize I've lost just about all my curves. Not quite sure how I feel about that. And, I guess I was frustrated in this pic, because I kept hitting the wrong button on my camera. I look so A-N-G-R-Y! (somebody needs some chocolate, huh? HAHA!)

So, after taking these progress pics, I really feel like if you were to place me somewhere in between a Bikini competitor and a Figure competitor, that I'd probably be somewhere "in between" or if anything slightly leaning more towards looking like a Figure gal. I'm definitely NOT lean enough for Figure (not by a long shot! "Auntie reminds me of this during her monthly visit. Yep, she's still hanging around, which means I'm still at a healthy bodyfat percentage) but I'm also more muscular than a LOT of the bikini girls I'm seeing. I guess I'll find out on Saturday whether I "fit in" with what the judges are looking for in this division. ***To my fellow competitors especially, I'd love to hear your thoughts/opinions of where you think I fit in based on your experience and observations at shows*** :)

That brings another frustrated point- the judges. It seems pretty subjective to me. Some prefer softer. Some prefer more muscular. Some prefer a "prettier" package. Some prefer more personality. It really is "up in the air", it seems. I've read blogs where girls place in the top 5 at one show, then turn around and do another show weeks later and place near the bottom. Curious and curiouser....

Well, it's feeding time again and I'm hungry! I'm going to eat lunch and then go shopping for jewelry for the show and stop by the MAC counter to see if I can get some make-up to match my Jantana. This should be interesting!

I hope you all have a beautiful, joyful day!

Talia

QUESTION:

1) Do you like spending time alone? I'm all for a night "in" to watch a chick flick or take a nice long bubble bath and have "quiet time", but after about a day or so I start missing my man. I think it's very healthy to get time alone once in a while, but for me, nothing beats being with my Love:)

2) Have you ever found yourself in the "in between"?